Have you ever found yourself stacking plates, gathering glasses, or passing condiments to the server before leaving a restaurant? At first glance, it might seem like a small, even unnecessary gesture. But psychologists say this simple act speaks volumes about who you are—and it might reveal more about your personality than you think.
A Small Gesture with Big Meaning
In restaurants, people generally fall into two groups. There are those who simply pay the bill and leave politely. And then there are those who tidy up the table before walking out, making the server’s job just a little easier.
According to psychologists, this habit isn’t just about being polite. It reflects deeper traits like kindness, empathy, and even the way you were raised. For Martin L. Hoffman, professor emeritus of clinical psychology at New York University, this behavior is far from trivial.
“When I make this gesture, it’s because I genuinely want to improve the other person’s day,” Hoffman explains.
What Experts Call “Prosocial Behavior”
Psychologists have a name for this kind of action: prosocial behavior. It refers to voluntary actions aimed at helping others, boosting their well-being, or simply bringing them comfort.
Holding a door open, donating blood, helping someone with heavy bags, or spending a few hours volunteering—these are all examples of prosocial behavior. They might seem small, but they make a real difference to the people on the receiving end.
While most of us show prosocial behavior toward close friends and family, far fewer extend it to strangers—like waiters, delivery drivers, or fellow commuters. Those who do are seen as having a particularly strong sense of empathy.
Is It Nature or Nurture?
So why do some people naturally help out while others don’t? Hoffman believes it often comes down to innate empathy. Some individuals are simply more attuned to the feelings of others.
But education and upbringing play a big role too. In his book Empathy and Moral Development (2020), Hoffman explains that children imitate what they see around them—just like they learn to talk or walk. If a child grows up surrounded by people who help others freely, they’re more likely to adopt the same behavior as adults.
American psychologist Michael Tomasello agrees. He notes that prosocial behavior develops when children repeatedly see acts of kindness modeled in everyday life.
Everyday Acts of Kindness
Helping a server clear a table is just one form of prosocial behavior. You’ve probably seen—or practiced—others:
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Assisting a parent with a stroller down the stairs
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Carrying groceries for a neighbor
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Donating blood
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Volunteering your time to support a cause
These simple actions may not earn applause, but they build stronger communities and create moments of connection between strangers.
Why It Matters More Than You Think
Prosocial behavior isn’t just good for others—it’s good for you too. Studies show that people who regularly engage in acts of kindness experience more joy, less stress, and stronger social bonds. It’s a win-win: you help someone else, and you feel better in the process.
And it all starts with a small choice—like stacking those plates at a restaurant.
The Takeaway
Next time you’re dining out, pay attention to how you act once the meal is over. Are you someone who just leaves—or someone who lends a hand?
Psychologists remind us that these little gestures aren’t insignificant. They’re part of a bigger picture that reflects kindness, empathy, and even how we were raised. And when extended to strangers, they become powerful signals of compassion in action.
The truth is, we all have the capacity to be more prosocial. Sometimes, it just takes noticing the small opportunities around us—at a restaurant, in the street, or even at home.